Much has been written about soul connections, and how we feel an enormous connection to someone, sense that they feel it too, only to experience the devastation of having them walk, or some cases RUN away.
This can then send us into a downward spiral of unimaginable grief, where we question the connection, ask ourselves if we imagined the whole thing, and assume that we must have been fooling ourselves because anyone who was feeling the intensity that we felt, would never have run away – and the ego just LOVES to be right.
So lets take a peek into the world of the runner. They felt the same connection that we did, they experienced all the emotions, the synchronicity, the energy, the magnetic pull, but with a difference – IT SCARED THE LIFE OUT OF THEM.
This isnt the kind of fear that comes when you are faced with an instant danger, that kind of fear can be rationalised and it passes as soon as the danger has passed. The fear of the runner is all pervading, its the kind of fear that sits in the pit of your stomach, wakes you up at night, leaves you feeling uneasy, at risk and vulnerable. The worst part is feeling that as long as you remain in this connection, so does the fear. It can invade every day life, affect your work and interactions with family and friends, leave you feeling constantly exposed and ‘raw’. Day after day, week after week feeling in a state of ‘high alert’. Its exhausting. There are of course underlying issues, as in all soul connections, that are the reason for what would appear to almost everyone, as a crazy and irrational fear – everyone that is, except the runner.
In the life of the runner, the constant heightened state, the endless worry, the feelings of dread become too much and they start to realise that the ONLY way to make it stop is to run away.
The desire to just ‘feel ok’ once again overrides any love or sense of attachment that they have for the other party. They may even seek to devalue the entire interaction as a way to justify to themselves and everyone else that this was something that was no good, and that they SHOULD walk away.
But it doesnt end there. Once the runner has pulled away, the fear subsides. A sense of normality returns and things are then viewed in a new perspective, they miss the connection, fear of the intensity is now replaced by fear of losing the connection for good and they reach out…..because they still feel the love and all the things that you felt.
This is probably the most critical time in the entire cycle, because it is the golden opportunity to address issues and make changes. But it is also the most dangerous time. When someone has run away from us and we experience the maelstrom of emotions that come with feeling rejected and abandoned, then the one thing that we want more than anything is for the runner to miss us, to regret what happened and to COME BACK TO US.
When this happens, the last thing in the world that we then want to do, is hold this person at arms length and question their intentions, after all, they run away when things get too intense and we sense that if we push things too much they will make for the door once again – but asking questions and requesting that they explain their actions, is precisely what we need to be doing. When someone is in ‘runner mode,’ nothing you say or do will change how they think or feel at that moment in time. However, when they are reaching out, and seeking reassurance that you are still there, still open to them and ready to reconnect, you have the golden opportunity to say what needs to be said without them running away, this is the stage in the cycle where they are most open to listen to what you have to say, because they want something from you!
Sadly, this opportunity is often missed due to fear of ‘spoiling’ things now that everything appears to be back on track, but the sad truth is that until the issues that triggered the runner to run have been resolved, the only potential outcome here is that they will run again.
How many times do you need to have someone leave you before you address the REASON behind their fears? That aspect is down to your own free will, it can be once or ten times, you choose.
I often tell clients that I see where they are and where they need to be, and I can explain what they need to do to get to the destination, but they get to choose how many times they stray off the path, how many times they walk in the opposite direction and how much effort they put into taking the fastest route. No time scale can be applied to your free will, its in your hands!
Like this article? Read my book: Relationships – what you need to know